Repent?

After what happened last night, I just kept thinking of the worst that could happen. I can't help it. It's like everytime I place myself in yr position, I can imagine the mixed feelings. Not to mention the sensitive and fragile you. But now that I've bared all, I guess there's nothing holding me back already. Maybe its a weird way of letting me know that I waited too long to tell you? Maybe its a weird way of letting me know that it was the right time to tell you? Nah it couldn't have been the right time because if it was, I won't feel so much remorse. Or rather is it the remorse of my past or remorse of not telling you? Both.

I guess there's no point dwelling in it. Now to look forward. Just don't repeat it and I should be safe. I can safely say that I'm no longer hiding anything already. I'm clean. I'm bare =)

I would like to say something about myself over the past one year. From the moment I quit, till the moment I found myself a job, got really lucky to meet colleagues whom are nice to me, at the end, got myself a promotion, but of coz, none is as significant as being with you. The best thing that happened to me. I would say last year treated me fairly well. Because you walked into my life. I would wanna say this to you yesterday but I figured that the timing wasn't appropriate? I guess I'll just write it here. Chances are you might see this, chances are you might not. But you know, that I do cherish you.

You said it again last night that I never mentioned about your positive traits. I know you are sensitive, you are very particular about your bad traits, you are very paiseh with even your sweat smell, or your garlic breath. Maybe its your upbringing that everytime everyone always hits on yr negative traits. That's why you'd expect yr bf to never hit on it and always remind you of your good side. I know where you are coming from. But its hard to explain how I feel. I am never really bothered by your negative traits. Everyone has their flaws. But did it ever occur to you that some might be attractive flaws? Doesn't sound right, I know, but it does happens. It comes with the whole package. I love when whenever you amplify my feelings, i.e. I'm sad you're sad, I'm happy and you give me that smile (I really really love it). Or times when people ask you to do things and you can't do it and you'd feel bad. I love that innocence. I love that kind hearted'ness. I love that naiveness. Its not something that you can find already nowadays. But along with it comes the over-sensitiveness, the reluctance to say no, the part of you where you are easily taken advantaged of. I love it that you are always so blur and make funny mistakes and then there are the funny reactions. But along with that comes that part of you in which you say that I'm saying you are a bimbo and are affected by something that you did (everytime also you say one...). I've always said it. I'm never laughing at you, I'm always laughing with you.

It's not always all about the good traits because I believe along with it there are something else attached to it as well. It's all embedded in you. It's about you. And that is all I'm up for. Your company. Everytime you are with me. You always ask me to say about your positive stuff. But what if your positive stuff to me is a negative stuff to you? I always say that you should be independent, stand up for yourself and to voice out yrself more often. No doubt I'd love you to become an independent woman, saying all that you feel so that people would not take advantage of you. That why I'm always telling you about you because I feel that it'll take away those misery and depression stored within you. I'm very 'kan cheong' for you. But I guess along with it comes that part of me who will just want to protect you, be there shielding you of whatever obstacle that comes along. Good or bad? I dunno. There's part of me who just wants to spoil you and part of me who just wants to not spoil you. I just know that I love you for who you are. I love your company. That's all that matters.